7.26.2010 session report

SYNOPSIS

The initial session of our throwaway WoW emulation adventure arc. This is being done with premade characters that nobody really understands or particularly likes. Yup.

CAMPAIGN

OO - WoW Horde campaign

PLAYERS

  • Terry - DM
  • Steven - Smunchy, the orc shaman
  • Brandon - Smizmar, the half-orc deathknight
  • Ann - Stan, the tranvestite minotauren shaman
  • Nic - Tummy, the undead rogue
  • Jeremy - Xandos, the troll mage

CHARACTERS

  • No pleasantries here, just smacking up some baddies

LOCATIONS

  • The Thunderspire (or some lair nearby)

NON-COMBAT ENCOUNTERS

  • It looked like we might have one, but then somebody started hucking shit at the dragon… soooo, you know. Not so much.

COMBAT ENCOUNTERS

  • group of gnolls
  • two ogres and a demonic scourge
  • dragon and like eleventy billion minions

LOOT

From the first encounter (two chances)

  • NOTHING, because Brandon is bad at picking from the nine face-down loot cards on the table. He hit two X's man, TWO. Of THREE. Terrible.

From our second-chance loot roll after the first encounter (one additional chance)

  • MORE NOTHING, because I managed to pick the final of the three X's. Seriously, we're bad at this.

From the ogre battle

  • 136 gold, 31 silver, 90 copper, 2 amethysts (100gp per)

From the final dragon encounter

  • I just got hit again writing this. I didn't write down the damage. Fuck this DM, he just dropped another four minions on the table.
  • Oh right, loot. We got something like 1000 gold. There was probably other stuff too. Terry can update this some other time.

XP AWARDED

  • Yeah, this campaign is far too pointless to bother with tracking XP. I just got minioned for 5 damage as I'm typing this. Didn't even write it down. Really, truly don't give a shit.

MEMORABLE MOMENTS

  • Xandos, tired of being useful, begins throwing snowballs at the dragon. He found this hilarious. The rest of us, not so much.

HOW IT WENT DOWN

  • We started the evening with the worst story seed in the history of ever. We all want to go fight in The Pit, but we can't afford the entry fees. So we head to the Thunderspire to pick fights and get some cash flow going, you know, so we can pay the entry fee and go fight more stuff. "We is dumb. Dumb as hell."
  • Alright, so after wrapping our brains around the massively convoluted backstory of these characters, we started into the Thunderspire. In keeping with the throwaway theme of this campaign, the initial rooms are vaguely nondescript, but chock full of shit to kill.
  • I kinda zoned out here, because the group was busy listening to the soundtrack from the 1986 Transformers Movie. I think we killed some gnolls. Brandon won the loot roll, but failed to pick actual loot, so he got nothing. I won the third chance to get some loot (Brandon having won two with his roll) and still managed to get nothing. Fine, whatever, doesn't matter.
  • So, there was some quick interlude stuff, we watched some olden-time cartoon themes (DuckTales, Rescue Rangers, MegaMan, Super Mario World and the Super Mario Bros Super Show). Oh, and we fought some ogres and a darkspawn or… something. Jeremy got loot thought, so that's kinda cool.
  • Final battle. I think Tommy Tutone made a brief appearance. Minions spawned every other round like an Ony fight from hell. Flames hit people. People hit minions. Healers ran out of powers. Shamans got tired of casting spells and started shanking people with their daggers. Preeeety sure the party's going down on this one.
  • That's what she said?
  • Aaaaaand everyone is dead. Except, somehow, for Xandos. Yes, I'm confused too. Mages are SUPPOSED to die.
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